Peace On Earth -- Goodwill Towards Man

             




                               

This is it.

     I hope that everyone had a great Christmas.

      Now that Christmas is past it is time to stop posting
      here.  I feel kind of down about it.  I only started this
      journal because Tammy threatened my life if I didn't.
      However after the first couple of entries I really got
      into it and was having fun.  I imagine there is enough
      holiday stuff on the web that I could keep going all
      year round, but I won't.  It wouldn't be a special
      place to visit if I did.

      I plan on leaving this journal here.  No more entries
     (well one and I will tell you about that in a minute)
     but I hope you will feel free to drop by anytime 
     you need something funny or just a little lift.

     **A link to every entry is in the columns to the left. 
    That's right you don't have to go hunting through
    the archives to find something or to find a
    starting place.  The links are listed from the
    oldest to the newest.

      Like I said this is to be the last entry here.  But then
      I got the most fantastic graphic in the email and I
     knew that it had to be the last entry here.  It has
     to be in an entry on top where everyone will
    see it.   I didn't make it, but I love the sentiment. 
    Hope you will too.

      Don't forget to keep coming by my main journal:
      One Summer's Day  As I dohave something
     "up my sleeve" that should be happening soon!

     Remember to tell those you love that you love
     them.  Tell them everyday as tomorrow isn't
     promised to us.

     Hugs to you all.  Even to the person that said I would
     be getting nothing but a houseful of coal from Santa
     because of some of the entries in this journal!  LOL

     Kathy
 
     **well I ran out of room in the side columns so the last
     few entries aren't over there.  But since they are still
     on the top page here I'm guessing you will be able
     to find them easy enough!  LOL

    

Merry Christmas

            
             sophie's on the left and that's maggie on the right

       The "girls" and I want to wish everyone a Very
       Merry Christmas.  Wherever you are and
       however you are spending the day we hope
       you have a safe, happy,
       warm day spent with friends or family.

       Don't forget the reason for the season.  God loves
       us so very much that he sent his son to earth.   And
       His name is Jesus.

      To read the Christmas story go here:  The Christmas Story

              
                thanks nightmare mom for the above graphic


                MERRY CHRISTMAS
              EVERYONE. 

         

    Tags:  merry christmas, the girls, christmas story

 

A Christmas Poem

The following poem was written by "Bornfool" and can be found in his blog entry over here:  BORNFOOL: Potpourri  Please drop by and let him know if you liked his poem.


Twas the night before Christmas
And all ‘round the Pen,
In their cells rested
Eight hundred-sixty odd men.

Seg. inmates in yellow,
Protective Custody in green,
Death Row wearing red
So they could be seen.

And I was disgruntled
Having to work on this night.
With my family at home,
It just didn’t seem right.

My post was Ten Wall Stand.
Worse places I could be
Than sixty feet in the air,
Just lots of weapons and me.

My job was to watch
All the area within
Hoping no inmate I saw
Until breakfast begin.

I sat back in my chair,
Checked my eyelids for cracks.
Too soon I was snoring.
My security, lax.

When all of a sudden
There arose such a clatter.
I wiped sleep from my eyes
To see what was the matter.

Stumbling to the window,
I looked out with dread.
The first thing I saw
Was a fat man in red.

An inmate’s escaping!
He must be Death Row!
I reached for the shotgun
Or a gas grenade to throw.

My heart filled with panic,
My nerves all a tingle.
Just then I realized
It’s only Kris Kringle!

It was then that I noticed
The eight reindeer and sleigh
Were caught in the razor wire
And couldn’t get away.

I thought and I pondered
What course I should take.
My post orders were clueless
On what decision to make.

When what to my wondering eyes
Should appear?
The Goon Squad marching toward him
In full riot gear.

The Goon Squad don’t play.
They’re a serious bunch.
This could be all for the Fat man
Was my very strong hunch.

They surrounded poor Santa,
Riot batons at the ready.
I threw open my window
Yelling, “Men, hold steady!”

“He’s not a death row inmate,
Though he is dressed in red.
He’s Santa, you numbskulls!
See his reindeer and sled?”

The Goon Squad didn’t listen.
They ignored me completely.
With their nightsticks they beat him,
And not very discreetly.

They cuffed him and stuffed him
Into one of his sacks
And packed him to the nut walk
By the strength of their backs.

They thoroughly searched him
Then threw him in a cell.
Not a good night for Santa
The Squad sure rang his bell.

So if Christmas morning
Less presents you see,
It’s only ‘cause Santa
Has not been set free.

The dear name of Santa
I no more will besmirch.
I won’t even mention
The body cavity search.

Merry Christmas to all,
Peace on Earth, good will to men.
Santa will see you
In a mere five to ten.

How to get on Santa's Naughty List

      I was going to "borrow" parts of this entry from 
     another site, but have decided instead to
     just send you over to the place. 
     You will love it.  Santa hates it.

     WARNING:  CLICKING ON
    THIS SITE WILL AUTO-
    -MATICALLY PUT YOU 
     ON SANTA'S NAUGHTY
     LIST. 
     CLICK AT YOUR OWN 
     RISK!!!

***YesButNoButYes: Dissing Santa***   

           DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED!!!  

100 Things about Santa

   100 Things About Me -- From Santa's
    Blog
        copied from: Santa's 2006 Holiday Blog: 100 Things About Me


100. I am known by many names - Kris Kringle, Father Christmas, St. Nicholas, St. Nick, etc.
99. I live at the North Pole
98. I am Norwegian
97. My favorite food is Pizza
96. My favorite dessert is Ice Cream
95. My favorite marathon is the Boston Marathon
94. I love football
93. I am deeply in love with my wife, Mrs. Claus
92. I vacation in Hawaii every "off-season"
91. I secretly wish I could be on Survivor (It just wouldn't be fair for me to be on Amazing Race) 90. My annual salary, bonus, and other compensation is zero dollars. This is volunteer work.
89. I sneak away from my security detail to participate in extreme sports.
88. I once bowled a 300 game.
87. I once shot a 72... on 9 holes. I am not much of a golfer.
86. I love Starbucks Christmas blend.
85. I have a fear of flying... commercially. Not via reindeer.
84. I do almost all the cooking for Mrs. Claus and myself January through October.
83. If I were to have a second job, I would want to be a school teacher.
82. My father was a king.
81. I speak 11 languages and am learning a 12th. I use a translator for all other languages.
80. I play the piano
79. I paint. Oils... no water color.
78. I have had dinner with every American President.
77. I refuse to celebrate my birthday. I'd just rather not think about it.
76. I am very shy.
75. I dabble in day trading.
74. I do not have a drivers' license.
73. I bristle at political correctness. Why can we not just be ourselves and respect each other for who we are rather than putting up a facade?
72. I have lived in three different countries.
71. My favorite color is not red. It is blue.
70. I have a horse named "Trigger".
69. I have a dog - a German Shepard - named Joe.
68. I read every single name on the naughty list.
67. I just quickly skim the nice list.
66. I lip-sync when I am out caroling or singing in the choir. I can't sing and I don't want anyone to hear how poorly I sing.
65. I am still a rookie blogger. I just started last season.
64. I realize, working my way back from 100 to 1, that thinking of 100 things to tell people about my self is actually quite challenging.
63. I will record and watch all the college football bowl games. I record them to DVD and can watch them on the sleigh whileI'm in transit.
62. I hada broken arm on Christmas Eve 2005. First serious accident ever. Happened in a chimneyin Hopkinton.
61. My birthday is December 25th. What a coincidence, eh?
60. My PR in the marathon is a few seconds over 2 hours 58 minutes.
59. I always round down on my training & race times.
58. I always round up on my training distances.
57. Typical weight gain for me on Christmas Eve is 51 pounds. All the cookies, egg nog, etc.
56. Typical weight loss in January is 28 pounds. I lose the rest in February.
55. My current weight is 245 (I also round down to the the nearest "5" on weight).
54. I'm considering starting a podcast for next year.
53. Despite have appeared on virtually every morning and late night talk show, I have never been invited to be on the Oprah Winfrey Show.
52. Even in the off-season, I only sleep 4-6 hours a night.
51. I fly over North Korea every year without airspace consent. What are they going to do?
50. I am a chef. Cooking is one of my great passions.
49. I live and work at the North Pole in order to maintain security and privacy.
48. I honestly do not know why I was chosen to have the powers of Santa Claus bestowed upon me. I don't ask. I'm just grateful.
47. I married a woman 10 years younger than me.
46. My favorite new TV show this season is Friday Night Lights.
45. I eat yogurt 3x a day. Love the stuff.
44. I joined a fantasy football league this year. Only because some of the elves talked me into. It's fun but I don't think I'm going to sign up again.
43. My favorite soccer team? Toss up between Man Utd and PSV Eindhoven
42. My favorite soccer player? Ronaldinho
41. I start everyday with a cup of coffee.
40. My standard coffee drink? Starbucks Venti Non-fat Almond Latte
39. My best Christmas ever... 1965. Can't top it.
38. I really would like a set of decent ear plugs for my Nano. Such a great, innovative product and lousy earplugs.
37. It's a Christmas Tree. Not a Holiday Tree. I'm not (a) offended by your holiday symbols nor am I (b) attempting to take over your holiday symbols. Please leave mine alone. It's a matter of respect.
36. I have daily subscriptions to 73 newspapers representing 52 nations on 6 continents.
35. My favorite Christmas tradition? Chimney diving. Ok, ok... besides Chimney diving? Mrs. Claus' ginger bread cookies.
34. My favorite Christmas carol is "Silent Night, Holy Night".
33. A favorite Christmas song that I might not readily admit to a five year old... "Grandma got ran over bya reindeer..."
32. My Nike+ powersong is "Boulevard of Broken Dreams" by Green Day
31. I have done a fair amount of post-graduate work. I have a Masters of Business Administration as well as a Masters in SupplyChain Studies
30. My undergraduate degree, which I received well into my old age (and at a European University that will not be named), is in Theology
29. I am a Dallas Cowboys fan. And before you ask... yes, Terrell Owens is on the naughty list.
28. Mrs. Claus & I do not have children of our own.
27. I have three sisters and two brothers. I am the oldest child.
26. Blitzen is my favorite reindeer.
25. Jingle is my best friend (not including Mrs. Claus, of course).
24. Rosie O'Donnell really annoys me.
23. I have been stuck in a chimney. More times than I care to admit. Blitzen carries retrieval equipment in the sleigh.
22. Despite all the myths, I do not possess any supernatural powers. I'm just an average guy. I don't know why I have lived so long. From the aches & pains I feel most mornings when I get out of bed, I'm pretty sure my body is not immortal, even if my spirit is....
21. I have been known to slip in a quick nap or two along my Christmas Eve journey. I just catch few winks on the couch closest to the tree.
20. I have every house scouted for hidden video cameras before I enter. Don't even think about trying to catch me on film.
19. I work-out every day. Weights, running, and/or ab work. I have to stay in shape (I know... it doesn't look like it...) in order to maintain the pace.
18. Yes.. I do stop in every country. So far, there's at least 1 person in each country that believes in Santa.
17. I think TiVo is the greatest invention ever.
16. I despise gift cards. Very impersonal. I'll give 'em if that's what you want, but....
15. I sign every letter that I send out to children.
14. As much as I love & leverage technology, I still prefer to send a handwritten letter when possible.
13. 13 is my favorite number. Not my lucky number... I don't believe in luck. Good or bad.
12. My favorite gift to give.... it's a three-way tie... first train set, first doll, and first bike. No other gifts truly excite kids like those three gifts do.
11. I still make a few toys each year. Only about a 100. Look for my signature to see if you receive one of the 100 that I personally made.
10. Thanks to my intelligence team, I know many of history's deepest secrets. Unfortunately, I'm not allowed to share them as such a blatant disregard for confidentiality would jeopardize the entire Christmas Eve tradition.
9. I had a tattoo in the 70s. But I had it removed in the 80s.
8. I didn't grow the big white beard until the 1930s.
7. I secretly check my "Q" factor every so often. I shouldn't care but.... well, I do...
6. I snore. At least that's what Mrs. Claus says.
5. I get nervous before I speak publicly.
4. I watch all of the traditinal Christmas specials every year... ranging from classic movies like Holiday Inn to cartoons such as A Peanuts Christmas. I mostly watch them on the sleigh while I'm in transit. Its the only chance I have.
3. I have blue eyes and my hair was light brown before it turned white-gray.
2. It took me almost 2 months to complete a list of 100 things about me. Seriously, who really wants to know that much about Santa?
1. I am Santa Claus

Holiday Etiquette for Dogs

            Holiday Etiquette for Dogs
            **from this web site: Holiday Etiquette for Dogs - Xmas treats and animal christmas jokes

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans.

2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.

3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers.

4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:

- - don't pee on the tree
- - don't drink water in the container that holds the tree
- - mind your tail when you are near the tree
- - if there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open
- - don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree

5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:

- - not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans
- - don't eat off the buffet table
- - beg for goodies subtly
- - be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa
- - don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach.

6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:

- -observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses.
- - respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house
- - tolerate children
- - turn on your charm big time.

7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DON'T BITE HIM!!

Christmas Dog

                     Christmas Dog
                               by Shel Silverstein

Tonight's my first night as a watchdog,
And here it is Christmas Eve.
The children are sleeping all cozy upstairs,
While I'm guardin' the stockin's and tree.

What's that now---footsteps on the rooftop?
Could it be a cat or a mouse?
Who's this down the chimney?
A thief with a beard--- And a big sack for robbin' the house?

I'm barkin', I'm growlin', I'm bitin' his butt.
He howls and jumps back in his sleigh.
I scare his strange horses, they leap in the air.
I've frightened the whole bunch away.

Now the house is all peaceful and quiet again.
The stockin's are safe as can be.
Won't the kiddies be glad when they wake up tomorrow
And see how I've guarded the tree.

Graphics to snag -- I did NOT make these

              

         

          


            


           


            


             

           

A Cat's Christmas Prayer

            A Cat's Christmas Prayer

Whoever made the stars that shine,
Whoever made green trees of pine,
Whoever dreamed up fish and mice,
Or sun and rain and snow and ice,
Must have the power in His paws
To help when there's a worthy cause.
Whoever gave the birds a nest
Will grant this humblcat's request.

For needy felines everywhere,
I meow my little Christmas prayer.
Please heal the sick
And cheer the sad,
Forgive the naughty,
and excuse the bad.

One more simple thing I ask:
A pool of sunlight in which to bask,
Plus a plate of food,
A safe, warm house,
A loving lap, a catnip mouse.
Freedom from fleas, furballs, and mats,
And homes for all the homeless cats.

Tags: A Cats Christmas Prayer

 

3 Wise Women

        What would have happened if it had been three Wise
       Women instead of three Wise Men?


      They would have asked directions,
       arrived on time,
       helped deliver the baby,
       cleaned the stable,
       made a casserole,
       and brought practical gifts.


       But what would they have said when they left.....?

    
       "Did you see the sandals Mary was wearing with
        that gown?"

        "That baby doesn't look anything like Joseph!"

        "Can you believe that they let all of those disgusting
         animals in there!"

        "Want to be on how long it will take until you get
        your casserole dish back?"

         from this web site:  3 Wise Women?
  
                                 

This is fun!!!

         Have you talked to Santa yet?  Given him some
       commands?  LOL  You want to though, right?  Well
       here's your chance!!!

      Santa 2.0

        You can spend minutes, even hours on end with this
       Santa.  Any yes I was bored one night.  So I have a
       "small" list of "commands" you can give Santa.  I know
        there are tons more but this is what I have come up
        with so far.  (and yes, I have no life)

       flirt    spank me    exercise    type    happy   rant
              play     guitar       drums        tennis   worm   
      break   marry me     egyptian     tongue     air guitar
              yodel    punch      gargle     belly dance
      act like a girl     act like a boy       kiss    kiss reindeer
              drop your pants    dance     scratch butt   hug
       pick nose    hokey pokey  say merry christmas   wave
              take pants off    sit    roll on floor    love me
       pick up reindeer     attack     make out     blow kisses
              sing     sit under tree     lay down     jump   yawn
       take shirt off     kill reindeer     play     play ball
              play baseball    eat     drink     santa's elf
       thumbs up    peace sign    turn around    jump on chair
              surprise    read    destroy    laugh    ho ho ho
       fart    put feet up   pee    crap    freaky    tap    scream
               spit     believe    suck    three bears    bark   cry
       sneeze    cough    kick    punch    slap    talk    snake
              teeth    chin    eyes    crazy    belly    list 
        cry like a baby    call     heart attack    lie     raspberry
              shake your booty      shake     fish    mary
        madonna     justin timberlake    drive      santa's helper
              angry      finger    

       and if you type in a naughty four letter word????   You
       will have to try it to see.  LOL


                
       
 

Answers to Christmas Carol quiz

Oops, almost forgot to give you the answers to the
Christmas Carol quiz I posted here:

Name That Christmas Carol!


1. White Christmas
2. Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire
3. All I Want for Christmas is My Two Front Teeth
4. O Holy Night
5. It Came Upon a Midnight Clear
6. O Come, All Ye Faithful
7. Away in a Manger
8. Deck the Hall
9. Little Drummer Boy
10. We Three Kings
11. Silent Night
12. God Rest Ye, Merry Gentlemen
13. Santa Claus is Coming to Town
14. Let it Snow
15. Go, Tell It on the Mountain
16. Rudolph, the Red-nosed Reindeer
17. What Child is This?
18. Joy to the World
19. Hark! The Herald Angels Sing
20. The Twelve Days of Christmas

He Asked For Her Autograph! Bad Santa!!! Bad!!!

      I stopped believing in Santa Claus
      
      When I was six.

      Mother took me to

      see him in a
     
     department store
    
     and he asked for

     my autograph.


        Shirley Temple

     bummer Shirley,  how about you guys?  when did you stop
       believing?  or have you stopped?

   Tags: shirley temple quote, christmas

 

Chanukah Song's

   Adam Sandler has 3 (yeah, count 'em, one, two, three) 
   Chanukah songs out. (read more about him and the songs
   here: The Chanukah Song - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia).

   I was going to post the lyrics to all 3 songs here, but lets
   face it I can be lazy!  LOL.  But here are the links to the
   songs if you want to look them up:

    Adam Sandler | The Hanukkah Song lyrics
 
     Chanukah Song Part II Lyrics - Adam Sandler

    Adam Sandler - The Chanukah Song (ii) Lyrics
     
    I also found song 1 and song 3 on YouTube:
    (couldn't find song 2. )

   YouTube - The Chanukah Song (Part 1)

    YouTube - Adam Sandler - Channukah song #3

   Tags: adam sandler, channukah songs

 

Name That Christmas Carol!

                  
                      Name That Christmas Carol!
   Do you recognize these altered Christmas carol titles?

1. Bleached Yule

2. Castaneous-colored Seed Vesicated in a Conflagration

3. Singular Yearning for the Twin Anterior Incisors

4. Righteous Darkness

5. Arrival Time2400 hrs - WeatherCloudless

6. Loyal Followers Advance

7. Far Off in a Feeder

8. Array the Corridor

9. Bantam Male Percussionist

10. Monarchial Triad

11. Nocturnal Noiselessness

12. Jehovah Deactivate Blithe Chevaliers

13. Red Man En Route to Borough

14. Frozen Precipitation Commence

15. Proceed and Enlighten on the Pinnacle

16. The Quadruped with the Vermillion Probiscis

17. Query Regarding Identity of Descendant

18. Delight for this Planet

19. Give Attention to the Melodious Celestial Beings

20. The Dozen Festive 24 Hour Intervals

If You See A Fat Man

     If you see a Fat Man.....
   
  Who's jolly and cute,

   
 
   Wearing a beard
    and a red flannel suit,

    

     and if he is chuckling
     and laughing away,

    

    while flying around
    in a miniature sleigh
    with eight tiny reindeer
    to pull him along,

   

     Then let,s face it..... 

    

    Your eggnog's too strong!!!!

Barney's Holiday Extravaganza

      Got to share this link with you.
    Please, I am not trying to make a polictical
    statement.  I am just giving a cute doggie
    link out.

    Go here:Barney Cam V: "Barney's Holiday Extravaganza" 
 
    Now on the right side of the page click
    on Barney Cam V.  Yes, it is the
    president's dogs.  But it is cute!!!!
    It's long -- around 9 minutes and the 
    good stuff doesn't happen until about
    a minute in.  But give it a try. 
   
    Wonder how Emmitt Smith and Dolly
     Parton got in there?  And the black cat
     that came out from under the tree?  And
     why didn't they put the cat's name in
     the list of credits?  And how come I
     didn't know a black cat lived in the
     White house?  

     Enjoy the video and come back and tell
     me if you liked it or not.

     Kathy

   

Some graphics to snag -- I did not make these

     If you see something you like here please snag!  I did not
     make these.  I got them from groups that I am in.

    

   

           

       

just added

a link at the bottom of this entry:  Leroy The Redneck Reindeer

go and click to hear the song!

"Twas The Night Before Christmas -- Texas Style

     


                  'Twas the night before Christmas
                                    (Texas Style)
                                      author unknown

'Twas the night before Christmas, in Texas, you know.
Way out on the prairie, without any snow.
Asleep in their cabin, were Buddy and Sue,
A dreamin' of Christmas, like me and you.

Not stockings, but boots, at the foot of their bed,
For this was Texas, what more need be said,
When all of a sudden, from out of the still night,
There came such a ruckus, it gave me a fright.

And I saw 'cross the prairie, like a shot from a gun,
A loaded up buckboard, come on at a run,
The driver was "Geein" and "Hawin", with a will,
The horses (not reindeer) he drove with such skill.

"Come on there Buck, Poncho, & Prince, to the right,
There'll be plenty of travelin' for you all tonight."
The driver in Levi's and a shirt that was red,
Had a ten-gallon Stetson on top of his head.

As he stepped from the buckboard, he was really a sight,
With his beard and moustache, so curly and white.
As he burst in the cabin, the children awoke,
And were so astonished, that neither one spoke.

And he filled up their boots with such presents galore,
That neither could think of a single thing more.
When Buddy recovered the use of his jaws,
He asked in a whisper, "Are you really Santa Claus?"

"Am I the real Santa? Well, what do you think?"
And he smiled as he gave a mysterious wink.
Then he leaped in his buckboard, and called back in his drawl,
"To all the children in Texas, Merry Christmas, You-all"

A Drunken Santa Game!!!

                                   
                                         A Drunken Santa Game!


      The movement of Santa is controlled by using the arrow 
       keys. 

       Guide Santa to drink the glass of drink.

       The more he drinks the more drunk he gets 

       and the harder it is to control him. 

       If Santa hits the train tracks he gets an 

       electric shock, and loses a life.

      At the end of the game you will be 

      given your score.

     Good luck ...... 

     http://www.banditos.info/speles/sobersanta2.swf


 

Christmas Lights Video

   The video is a little over 9 minutes, so I know it is long.
   But if you can't get out to see all the holiday lights
   that are out you will like this:             

Christmas Tree 101

What Is Your Christmas Mood?

        



 
              

             

             


            


          


       


                                

Top Ten Christmas Songs For The Psychotic

         Top Ten Christmas Songs For the Psychotic


10. Manic

"Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle
Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells,
Jingle Bells,Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells,
Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells.

9. Attention Deficit Disorder

"Silent night, Holy oooh look at the
froggy can I have a chocolate,
why is France so far away?"

8. PMS

"You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry,
I'm Gonna Pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why"

7. Pyromania

"Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire"

6. Paranoid

"Santa Claus is Coming to Town ... to Get Me"

5. Obsessive Compulsive

"Deck the Halls and Walls and
House and Lawn and Streets and Stores
and Office and Town and Cars and
Busses and Trucks and Trees"

4. Narcissism

"Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me"

3. Dementia

"I Think I'll be Home for Christmas"

2. Multiple Personality Disorder

"We Three Kings Disoriented Are"

1. Schizophrenia

"Do You Hear The Voices I Hear?"

A Soldier's Christmas

                         

                   A Soldier's Christmas
             by LCpl James M Schmidt, USMC, 1986
             as posted at this site: A SOLDIERS CHRISTMAS


Twas the night before Christmas,
he lived all alone
In a one bedroomm house made
of plaster and stone.
I had come down the chimney
with presents to give
And to see just who in this
home did live.

I looked all about,
a strange light I did see
No tinsel, no presents,
not even a tree, No stocking
by mantle, just boots filled with sand
On the wall hung a picture
of far distant lands.

With medals and badges,
awards of all kinds
A sober thought came
through my mind.
For this house was differant,
it was dark and dreary
I found the home of a soldier,
once I could see clearly.

The soldier lay sleeping,
silent, alone
Curled up on the floor
in this one bedroom home.
The face was so gentle,
the the room in such disorder
Not how I pictured a
gallant Soldier.

Was this the hero of
whom I'd just read?
Curled up on a poncho,
the floor for a bed.
I realized the families
that saw this night
Owed their lives to these
soldiers who were willing to fight.

Soon round the world,
the children would play
And grownup would
celebrate a bright Christmas Day.
They all enjoyed freedom
each month of the year
Because of the soldiers,
like the one lying here.

I couldn't help wonder
how many lay alone
On a cold Christmas Eve
in a land far from home.
The very thought brought
a tear to my eye
I dropped to my knees
and started to cry.

The soldier awakened
and I heard a rough voice
"Santa don't cry, this is my choice;
I fight for freedom, I don't ask for more.
My life is my God, my Country, my Corps."

The soldier rolled over
and drifted to sleep I couldn't control it,
I started to weep.
I kept watch for hours,
so silent and still And we both shivered
from the cold night's chill.

I didn't want to leave on
that cold dark night This gaurdian of honour
so willing to fight.
Then the soldier rolled over,
with a voice soft and pure
Whispered, "Carry on Santa,
it's Christmas Day, all is secure.

One look at my watch and
I knew he was right,
"Merry Christmas my friend"
"And to all a good night."

Christmas Cookies!

                                     Happy Baking!!
                  You won't believe how amazing these are!!!
                            Try them! They're great!

Cookie Ingredients:
1 cup of water
1 tsp. baking soda
1 cup of sugar
2-1/2 cups flour
1 tsp. salt
1 cup of brown sugar
lemon tsp. juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality.
Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again,
to be sure it is of the highest quality,
pour one level cup and drink.

Turn on the electric mixer...
Beat one cup of butter in a larg e fluffy
bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.

At this point it's best to make
sure the Cuervo is still OK,
try another cup ... just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl
and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick the frigging fruit off floor...

Mix on the turner. If the fried druit
gets stuck in the beaterers just
pry it loose with a drewscriver.

Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.

Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.
Who giveshz a sheet.

Check the Jose Cuervo.
Now shift the lemon juice and
strain your nuts.

Add one table. Add a spoon
of sugar, or somefink.
Whatever you can find.

Greash the oven.

Turn the cake tin 360 degrees
and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.

Finally, throw the bowl through
the window, finish the Cose Juervo
and make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.

Cherry Mistmas

Leroy The Redneck Reindeer

               
                the above redneck reindeer is from this site: Redneck Reindeer funny Christmas picture


      Leroy The RedNeck Reindeer
                by Joe Diffie, Steve Pippin and Stacey Slate
                web site:  LeroyTheRedNeckReindeer






Well, you've all heard about Rudolph and his nose,
But I'll tell you a Christmas tale that never has been told.
Well, you may think you've heard it all but you ain't heard yet.
About that crazy Christmas that the North pole can't forget.


Rudolph was under the weather, he had to call in sick.
So he got on the horn to his cousin Leroy, who lived
out in the sticks. He said: "Santa's really counting on me and
I hate to pass the buck." Leroy said "Hey I'm on my way,"
and he jumped in his pick-up truck.

When Leroy got to the North Pole all the reindeer
snickered and laughed. They'd never seen a deer in
overalls and a John Deere Tractor hat. But Santa
stepped in and said: "Just calm down cause we've
all got a job to do. "And like it or not, Leroy's in
charge, and he's gonna be leading you."

And it was Leroy, the red neck reindeer,
Hooked to the front of the sleigh. Delivering toys to
all the good ole boys and girls along the way.
He's just a down home party animal, two-stepping
across the sky. He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell,
and made history that night.

Before that night was over, Leroy had changed their tune.
He had them scootin' a hoof on every single roof,
by the light of a neon moon. Santa wrapped his
bag with a Dixie flag, he was having the time of his life.
And you can hear him call Merry Christmas y'all,
and to all of y'all a good night.

And it was Leroy, the red neck reindeer,
Hooked to the front of the sleigh. Delivering toys to
all the good ole boys and girls along the way.
He's just a down home party animal, two-stepping
across the sky. He mixed jingle bells with a rebel yell,
and made history that night. He mixed jingle bells with
a rebel yell, and made history that night.

to hear this song click here ----->>>>Leroy The Redneck Reindeer

'Twas The Day After Christmas

                        'Twas The Day After Christmas

Twas the day after Christmas, and all through the house,
Every creature was hurting-- even the mouse.

The toys were all broken, their batteries dead;
Santa passed out, with some ice on his head.

Wrapping and ribbons just covered the floor,
while Upstairs the family continued to snore.

And I in my T-shirt, new Reeboks and jeans,
Went into the kitchen and started to clean.

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the sink to see what was the matter.

Away to the window I flew like a flash,
Tore open the curtains, and threw up the sash.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a little white truck, with an oversized mirror.

The driver was smiling, so lively and grand;
The patch on his jacket said "U.S. POSTMAN."

With a handful of bills, he grinned like a fox
Then quickly he stuffed them into our mailbox.

Bill after bill, after bill, they still came.
Whistling and shouting he called them by name:

"Now Dillard's, now Broadway's, now Penny's and Sears
Here's Levitz's and Target's and Mervyn's -- all here!!

To the tip or your limit, every store, every mall,
Now chargeaway-chargeaway-chargeaway all!"

He whooped and he whistled as he finished his work.
He filled up the box, and then turned with a jerk.

He sprang to his truck and he drove down the road,
Driving much faster with just half a load.

Then I heard him exclaim with great holiday cheer,
"ENJOY WHAT YOU GOT ...
YOU'LL BE PAYING ALL YEAR!"

Being Naughty!!

                20 Ways To Confuse Santa Claus

Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.

While he's in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.

Leave him a note, explaining that you've gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.

While he's in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.

Keep an angry bull in your living room. If you think a bull goes crazy when he sees a little red cape, wait until he sees that big, red Santa suit!

Build an army of mean-looking snowmen on the roof, holding signs that say "We hate Christmas," and "Go away Santa."

Leave a note by the telephone, telling Santa that Mrs. Claus called and wanted to remind him to pick up some milk and a loaf of bread on his way home.

Throw a surprise party for Santa when he comes down the chimney. Refuse to let him leave until the strippers arrive.

While he's in the house, find the sleigh and sit in it. As soon as he comes back and sees you, tell him that he shouldn't have missed that last payment, and take off.

Leave a plate filled with cookies and a glass of milk out, with a note that says, "For The Tooth Fairy. :)" Leave another plate out with half a stale cookie and a few drops of skim milk in a dirty glass with a note that says, "For Santa."

Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime."

Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections.

While he's in the house, cover the top of the chimney with barbed wire.

Leave lots of hunting trophies and guns out where Santa's sure to see them. Go outside, yell, "Ooh! Look! A deer! And he's got a red nose!" and fire a gun.

Leave Santa a note, explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house.

Set a bear trap at the bottom of the chimney. Wait for Santa to get caught in it, and then explain that you're sorry, but from a distance, he looked like a bear.

Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill.

Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.

Instead of ornaments, decorate your tree with Easter eggs.

Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, "This neighborhood ain't big enough for the both of us."


 

Christmasy links!!!

     All links are (well should be) Christmas (or winter) related.
   
      Holiday Snowglobe

      The penguin show

     A Cats Christmas

    "A Silent Night" Movie - by Mary Robinson Reynolds | The MasterMinding Maven™

    Christmas Cats!

    http://www.flashfunpages.com/couple.swf

    Stars and Stripes Holiday Messages

    christmas cats

    Whatever: The 10 Least Successful Holiday Specials of All Time

    Cats Of Christmas - Cat ornaments for cat lovers' Christmas trees.

    The Twelve Days of Christmas (12 Days of Christmas) lyrics

    Monsignor's Christmas Cats

    A Cats Christmas
 
    From the Heart PostCards Christmas Falling Snow ICQ Greetings Menu
  
    Treat Any Soldier Care Packages . . . www.TreatAnySoldier.com . . . TreatAnySoldier.com

    Samaritan's Purse | International Relief  great chairity ran by Billy
      Graham's son Franklin
   
    Pet Letters to Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer 

     Kate.net Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas Page

     Kate.net Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas Page  wallpapers

     Christmas Quiz - Novice

     Christian Christmas: Christmas In Cyberspace

     Learn how to make reindeer ornaments!

    Christmas Record Breakers | Guinness Book | World | Most Expensive | Biggest | Gift | Toy | Bizarre

    Christmas: See what people are saying right now on Technorati

    Welcome to Ugly Christmas Lights.com!
    

 

Frez Attack!

There was once an elf named Frez that would get so
nervous at Christmas time he would eat two lunches
at the elf cafeteria. He was trying to be just too
perfect in making his toys and never thought they
were good enough for the children.

The dolls' eyes never seemed to sparkle enough,
thought Frez, and the wagons were not as shinny
as last year. Nothing seemed to be going well
and the time for delivery of the presents as
getting closer.

No one understood why Frez was getting so
particular and asking for a size larger elf suit.
Then, one day Santa discovered what the problem
was and began to solve it. It seemed that Frez
was not a young elf, but elves never looked their
age, because they were so cheerful and happy.
Frez needed to feel he was special,
so Santa gave him his own project called
"special toys." These were all the toys that were
broken and needed repairs and love.
Frez was so glad to be in charge of such a project
that he ate only one lunch that day to hurry
back to his tasks.

We can learn from what Santa did for Frez
about ourselves. Sometimes we have off days
when we are just not feeling quite positive.
Someone's smile or asking us to join some
friends can make our whole day worthwhile.

Frez is content now with restoring the broken
toys to new, and he does not have to eat so
much because he is happy. He even wears his old
suit now, and his new suit is taken in for his
smaller waist.

Let us try to do something worthwhile everyday
so a "Frez Attack" will never get us. We all
have special talents and we can help someone
out that we see feeling down. It takes only a few
moments to be able to know why someone
is not feeling happy. Take that time from your
usual day and listen. Most importantly, we are
here to help each other and all of us have that
special talent to do it. Use yours today.

                     By Carol Ann Garretson

Hanukkah Quiz Answers

     Hanukkah Quiz
     

    Hanukkah is celebrated during what month?
    
      December

    Hanukkah lasts for how many days?

       Eight
 
    What is the Hanukkah candleabra called?

           Menorah
         

    How many candles does the Hanukkah candleabra hold?

           Nine
        

   Who is the Hebrew warrior that's commemorated
    in Hanukkah?

        Judas Maccabeus
       

    Who ordered the Hebrews' Second Temple destroyed ?

        King Antiochus
     
    The king that ordered the destruction of the Second
    Temple came from what country?

        Syria
       
  
     What Hannuka game is based on an old German
      gambling game?

          Dreidel
     

    In 1958, what country's national bank created special coins
     to be used as Hanukkah "gelt"?
  
         Israel
       

   What traditional Hanukkah dish is the Jewish version
    of potato pancakes? 

        Latkas
      

Answers to Silly Quiz

   Silly Christmas Quiz
   Can you answer these?  Get them all right?
  

  Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners
  the most? rude-off  (rudolph)

  What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed? a cookie sheet

  What reindeer has the cleanest antlers? Comet!

  What do they call Santa's helpers? subordinate clauses

  What kind of a virus can reindeer catch? The Reindeer Flu
     (flew)

  What is Frosty the Snowman's favorite breakfast
  cereal? frosted flakes

  What do Santa's beard and a Christmas tree have in 
  common? both need trimming

  What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus as he looked out the
   window?  Looks like rain deer (reindeer)

  What kind of cereal does Santa eat? snowflakes

  Which two letters describe a slippery sidewalk? I C (icy)

  What two letters are used by the elves to describe
  Santa's bag the day after Christmas?  M T (empty)

 Which burn longer: the candles on a Christmas cake, on a
  fruit cake or on the mantle of  a fireplace? they all burn
   shorter

 Did you know there's only 12 seconds in a year?
   Jan 2nd, Feb 2nd, March 2nd, etc........

 What bites but has no teeth? frost  (frost bite)

 What is the end of Christmas? The letter S

 Is it better to write a letter to Santa on an empty
 stomach or a full stomach? It's better to write it on paper

  

To be fair. A Hanukkah Quiz!!

     Hanukkah Quiz
     answers coming later

    Hanukkah is celebrated during what month?

    August
      September
      October
      November
      December

    Hanukkah lasts for how many days?

     One
        Five
       Seven
       Eight
       Twelve

    What is the Hanukkah candleabra called?

          Yarmulka
           Latkes
           Menorah
           Ketubah
           Liberace

    How many candles does the Hanukkah candleabra hold?

           Five
           Seven
           Eight
           Nine
           Thirteen

   Who is the Hebrew warrior that's commemorated
    in Hanukkah?

     King David
        Judith
        Judas Maccabeus
        King Saul
       Samson

    Who ordered the Hebrews' Second Temple destroyed ?

        King Antiochus
        King Herod
        Pontius Pilate
        Pharoah Ramses
        Emperor Caligula

    The king that ordered the destruction of the Second
    Temple came from what country?

        Babylon
        Egypt
        Syria
       Carthage
        Rome
  
     What Hannuka game is based on an old German
      gambling game?

          Dreidel
          Cribbage
          Old Maid
          Go Fish
          Shmendrick

    In 1958, what country's national bank created special coins
     to be used as Hanukkah "gelt"?
 
         United States
         Canada
         Israel
         Bahamas
         China

   What traditional Hanukkah dish is the Jewish version
    of potato pancakes? 

        Halvah
        Blintzes
       Tsimmis
        Latkas
        Cholent

Silly Quiz

   Silly Christmas Quiz
   Can you answer these?  Get them all right?
   Copy/paste questions into your comment area with
   your answers
   Answers coming soon.



  Which of Santa's reindeers needs to mind his manners
  the most?

  What did the Gingerbread Man put on his bed?

  What reindeer has the cleanest antlers?

  What do they call Santa's helpers?

  What kind of a virus can reindeer catch?

  What is Frosty the Snowman's favorite breakfast
  cereal? 

  What do Santa's beard and a Christmas tree have in 
  common?

  What did Santa say to Mrs. Claus as he looked out the
   window?

  What kind of cereal does Santa eat?

  Which two letters describe a slippery sidewalk?

  What two letters are used by the elves to describe
  Santa's bag the day after Christmas?

 Which burn longer: the candles on a Christmas cake, on a
  fruit cake or on the mantle of  a fireplace?

 Did you know there's only 12 seconds in a year?

 What bites but has no teeth?

 What is the end of Christmas?

 Is it better to write a letter to Santa on an empty
 stomach or a full stomach?

   ***answers coming soon

Got this in an email. Don't know who wrote it.

Adventure With Grandma


I remember my  first Christmas adventure with
Grandma. I was just a kid.
I remember tearing  across town on my bike
to visit her on the day my big sister dropped 
the bomb: "There is no Santa Claus," she jeered.
"Even dummies know  that!"

My Grandma was not the gushy kind, never had
been. I fled to her  that day because I knew she
would be straight with me. I knew Grandma always
told the truth, and I knew that the truth always
went down a whole lot easier when swallowed
with one of her world-famous cinnamon buns. I
knew they  were world-famous, because
Grandma said so. It had to be  true.

Grandma was home, and the buns were still
warm. Between bites, I  told her everything.
She was ready for me. "No Santa Claus!" she 
snorted. "Ridiculous! Don't believe it.
That rumor has been going around for years,
and it makes me mad, plain mad.
Now, put on your coat, and  let's go."

"Go? Go where, Grandma?" I asked.
I hadn't even finished my  second
world-famous, cinnamon bun.
"Where" turned out to be Kerby's  General
Store, the one store in town that had a little
bit of just  about everything. As we walked
through its doors, Grandma handed me ten
dollars. That was a bundle in those days.
"Take this money," she said, "and buy something
for someone who needs it. I'll wait for you in the 
car." Then she turned and walked out of Kerby's.

I was only eight years  old. I'd often gone
shopping with my mother, but never had I shopped 
for anything all by myself. The store seemed big
and crowded, full of  people scrambling to
finish their Christmas shopping. For a few moments 
I just stood there, confused, clutching
that ten- dollar bill,  wondering what to buy,
and who on earth to buy it for.

I thought  of everybody I knew: my family,
my friends, my neighbors, the kids at  school,
the people who went to my church. I was just
about thought out,  when I suddenly thought
of Bobby Decker. He  was a kid
with bad breath and messy hair,
and he sat right behind me in  Mrs.
Pollock's  grade-two class. Bobby Decker
didn't have  a coat. I knew that because he
never went out for recess during the
winter. His mother always wrote a note,
telling the teacher that he had a cough, but all
we kids knew that Bobby Decker didn't have
a cough,  and he didn't have a coat.
I fingered the ten-dollar bill with 
growing excitement. I would
buy Bobby Decker a coat!

I  settled on a red corduroy one
that had a hood to it. It looked  real
warm, and he would like that.
"Is this a Christmas present for
someone?" the lady behind the counter
asked kindly, as I laid my ten
dollars down. "Yes," I replied shyly.
"It's .... for Bobby." The nice lady  smiled
at me. I didn't get any change, but she
put the coat in a bag and wished me
a Merry Christmas.

That evening, Grandma helped me
wrap the  coat in Christmas paper and
ribbons (a little tag fell out of the coat, 
and Grandma tucked it in her Bible) and wrote,
"To Bobby, From Santa  Claus" on it -- Grandma
said that Santa always insisted on secrecy. 
Then she drove me over to Bobby Decker's 
house, explaining as we went that I was
now and forever officially one  of Santa's helpers.

Grandma parked down the street from
Bobby's house, and she and  I crept
noiselessly and hid in the bushes by his
front walk. Then Grandma  gave
me a nudge. "All right, Santa Claus,"
she whispered, "get  going."

I took a deep breath, dashed for
his front door, threw the  present
down on his step, pounded his doorbell
and flew back to the  safety of the
bushes and Grandma. Together we waited
breathlessly in the  darkness for
the front door to open. Finally it did,
and there stood  Bobby.

Fifty years  haven't dimmed the thrill
of those moments spent shivering,
beside my  Grandma, in Bobby Decker's
bushes. That night,  I realized that those
awful rumors about Santa Claus were
just what  Grandma said they were:  ridiculous.
Santa was alive and well, and we 
were on his team.

I still have the Bible,
with the tag tucked inside:  $19.95.

 

When I was little Christmas wasn't Christmas without this guy!

Sharing some graphics! Snag away!!!

     Sharing some snaggable graphics.  I didn't make
     these. 
     Got them through a group I am in.  Grab 'em and have
     some fun with them.